Mary Talks Money Episodes
The Finances of Divorce
You may have spent hours planning your wedding, but no one plans for the un-winding of a marriage. See why even a trial separation requires a planning.
What is behind the disparity? Two words -- career and kids. If children are involved and the woman pulled back on her career, she has a lot of catching up to do. And often times the child support a woman receives falls short of covering the real costs for raising kids. Many divorced women with children find themselves struggling to define what it means to "support" their family.
" I thought I had money. I had a very big house, I had an awesome, very successful business, I had money in the bank, when I got divorced, I had it all, but I didn't realize, I didn't protect any of it," said Dana Scheponik.
A life in past tense. That is how Dana Scheponik spent much of the last decade. Watching all she had built in her career -- and her lifestyle -- unravel.
"I was the business owner, I had the money, and I saw the money was coming in cutting hair. My husband had money, but it all stopped," said Scheponik. "I couldn't do it all, I couldn't take care of my children as long as the business was running, you know, redo my life, move my house, take care of the dog, cat, it was, it was too much weight on me that it just fell."
With friends disappearing and the business she loved closed, she kept money coming in by seeing clients in her home. Dana says she realized the limitations of her career choice. Hairdressing may not be enough to pay the electric bill -- let alone put her kids through college.
"It's been such a struggle to raise my children, recreate myself, keep my house, recreate a whole new world, my friends, a job. There's so much that has been working against me and I'm still here, the bills are still piling," said Scheponik.
Dana did what a lot of divorced women decide to do -- arm herself with a new set of skills and look for a new career. She went to work for her brother in the financial services industry. She could teach women to be financially prepared based on her own life lessons. But it didn't take long before the demands of corporate life clashed with the responsibilities of a single mom.
"One day I was headed to, we had meetings, it was a very important meeting at the head of the financial company. I had to be there on time and there's nobody else here but me and I was getting ready to get in the car and my daughter broke a glass in the sink. And I couldn't leave my kids. I couldn't leave them with the glass. I guess I could of, but I chose not to. I helped them clean it up and got in the car, and I was late, and they didn't let me in the meeting, and I lost my job because I didn't get to the meeting on time. And I was so frustrated, I was so frustrated because it seemed like that's what happens to me because as much as I try to get out there is something that pulls me back and the thing that's pulling me back are my children, which are most important to me. If mom's not right, nobody's right so I have to be right to know that taking care of my kids is what I need to do right now," said Scheponik.
What working mom hasn't felt that tug of war? It may be one of the reasons women do so poorly after divorce -- it is hard to walk away from even a minor crisis.
But getting fired didn't deflate Dana. It gave her clarity. She finally understood what she wanted to do. Being there for her kids -- not only gave her peace of mind -- it helped them too.
"There's no choice for me but to be here for them," said Scheponik. "Come five years from now they're all going to be in college. And, hopefully, they're all going to be in college. And then I'll be ready to take off but in the meantime I need to take care of them, take care of my home, because this is our home, and work on my next step which is going to be a career because that's going to take me where I want to be. I want to do something that's challenging, pays the bills, allows me to live my life a little bit," said Scheponik.
So while she waits for the next chapter to begin, Dana keeps moving -- keeping clients looking their best -- and celebrating the little moments of her life with the people she loves the most.
" I can't wait for them to come home, because they usually come home with friends, so there's so much activity. In fact, I pre-plan what we're going to do when they come home," said Scheponik. If I'm cooking, they know I'm cooking, they come and swarm here, so kind of recreating my family for my children has kind of been the best thing that money can't buy. "
" I do think we have a very rich life that maybe my kids wouldn't have had if I didn't get divorced. Maybe I would have been too busy working. Maybe their father and I would have been fighting too much. Maybe they would have just been all lost with their friends and I wouldn't have the life that I have today. So I think maybe that is what I have to remember, that I did make a right choice, which is what I question all the time, you know did I mess up their lives? Did I mess up my life? I like to think that there's happily ever after, again," said Scheponik.
Going through a divorce and worrying about the new financial hurdles you might face? Financial planners Candace Bahr and Ginita Wall agree that the sting of divorce is worse if&
1) You don't prepare.
2) You don't keep records.
3) You mix money and emotion.
4) You think it "will never happen to you" and let others take control of your financial well being.
Have your own money questions? Check out Ginita Wall and Candace Bahr's website -- wife.org. The name stands for Women's Institute for Financial Education.
